Says/threatens Amy, “Dave cannot shave his mustache. I will cut off all my hair and wear it as a mustache if he does that.”
Ball’s in your court, Dave.
Hey Dave, check this out. Some innovative and entrepreneurial mind over at GAMA GO came up with the idea for a mustache straw, which gives the drinker the appearance of having a mustache. Of course for you, every straw is a mustache straw, and it’s completely free, not $9.00 plus shipping and handling. Sip away, Dave, and save the ‘stache while you save some cash. Don’t shave.
As of the 11 o’clock hour on the 11th day of the 11th month of the 11th year, Dave’s mustache is still occupying his upper lip. May it continue to grow strong and full.
Just by looking at Angela you wouldn’t guess that she’s crazy about an artist who is fond of wearing outlandish costumes. Angela herself dresses very fashionably; think H&M, Forever 21 and stores of that sort. You wouldn’t look at her and think “Oh yeah, meat dress.” But Ang is a passionate Lady Gaga fan. Sure, she’s never arrived anywhere in a giant egg or showed up to work looking like a frozen lighting storm, but she knows what that looks like. What I’m getting at, Dave, is that she knows crazy creepy nut-ball freakin’ weird crap when she sees it and your mustache is not that. And while it may not be an outfit made out of red meat or Kermit the Frog dolls, she thinks your ‘stache is alright. Save it, Dave, don’t shave it.
Dave, your mustache is money, like Salvador Dali’s. Don’t shave it and I’ll give you a dollar as a reward for having good taste. Don’t shave, Dave.
“Chi-hua-whaddya mean you’d think about shaving off your b-eautiful furry coat of lip hair? That is terrible! Deplorable! I’ve never wanted to vomit and not eat it more, Dave. I find the thought of you shaving it off is more offensive than ‘Beverly Hills Chihuahua 1 & 3’! (Part 2 actually had some redeeming parts, but that’s beside the point.) . Please, man, I beg of you, do not shave you mooostache off. Look at me, I am a proud Chihuahua ManDog and I proudly wear my mooostache of pink to tell you this message: Dave, save the ‘stache. Don’t shave. Also, Dave, I have an itch back here and I just can’t quite get it.”
Even Chicago public art installations support your mustache, Dave. And I quote, “Eye would be very upset if you lost your ‘stache.” I asked the Bean how it felt. Dude’s a total a. You don’t want to hear anything he had to say. Oh, and yeah, the Bean is a dude. And a big fat jerk. Listen to the Eye, Dave. Save the ‘stache.
Listen to the Women of the Internets, DAVE! —Christie