Where do all the mustaches from Movember go once they’re shaved off?
Well, Dave, I believe that this gentleman sweeps them up, reassembles them, then walks around with a “‘stache stash” (as Lauren Schroer called it) inside his coat. Does he sell them? Or just keep them in his coat for an added layer of warmth? Who knows.
The Bedford is the kid of cool bar that you should listen to, Dave. It’s located in an old bank and even has a vault where you can sit and sip drinks while you wait for a table. Drinks. IN A VAULT. Dave, it’s awesome. It knows what’s what. And it’s also in Wicker Park so you can rest assured that it has seen its share of ‘staches. So if the Bedford tells you to keep the ‘stache, you should keep it. Don’t shave.
Milk may do a body good, but it doesn’t do a good mustache. Dave, a milk mustache is not a real mustache, it’s just milk on your upper lip. After all, you’ve got to grow a mustache, not get it out of a glass. Your mustache is a real mustache, Dave, and I think you should keep it around. Heck, you could even get milk on it! A milk mustache on your mustache?! That’s completely awesome and very manly. Dave, don’t shave. Also, drink some milk.
Dave, you’re a businessman that means business. You wear pointy shoes, button-ups, vanity glasses and are an overall good dresser. Everything about your wardrobe shows that you’re in the business of meaning business.
Now onto your face.
You don’t have any crazy facial scars that show you mean business. I’m talking about things like scars from a knife fight or maybe a bar fight or from that time you were repairing a jet plane and a large pipe fell onto your nose and broke it, giving you the token “cool tough guy that means business ‘cuz he’s got a broken nose” look.
You also don’t have any face tattoos. I’m not saying you should get one. That would be dumb, unless it was a tattoo of a mustache. That would show the world that you mean business. It’s a little extreme though, so hey, why not just show the business and non-businessworld that you mean business with the mustache you already have.
As the shirt above says, “A mustache means business.” Dave, don’t close for business. Save the ‘stache.
Without a mustache holding it up, your nose may slide down into your mouth. Think about it, Dave. That’s Pablo Picasso crazy face stuff. Don’t go there. Save the ‘stache.
Do you know the show “Do You Have A Better Mustache Than A Fifth Grader?” It doesn’t exist. But if it did, you would win. Dave, you don’t wanna be an imaginary loser, do you? Then don’t shave. Save the ‘stache.
This artwork wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for the mighty power of the mustache. Don’t you think power like that is worth keeping, even if it is just on your upper lip? Don’t shave, Dave. Stay strong and keep the ‘stache.
Artwork by Leblebi
Dave, if you shave, all of your electrical outlets will grow mustaches and shock you when you plug anything into them, including electric razors. Save the ‘stache. Don’t get shocked. (This concludes the scare portion of this blog.)
Take it from the work of designer Christopher David Ryan, Dave. As long as you keep your ‘stache around you can blame it for things. “Sorry I was late. It’s my mustache’s fault. It had to go get coffee.” “That’s not what I said. You must have heard it wrong because of my mustache. It distorts what I say.” “I didn’t light that building on fire. It was probably my mustache. It plays with matches. Whaddya gonna do, ya know?” Lose the ‘stache and you’ll lose your scapegoat. Don’t shave, Dave. Save the ‘stache.